Stop Letting Your Preteen and Teen Hear You Talk About How Hard Their Teenage Years Are!
Stop Letting Your Preteen and Teen Hear You Talk About How Hard Their Teenage Years Are!
Are the teenage years challenging? Absolutely. But when you constantly talk negatively about this stage of life—even in a joking way—your teen is hearing something much deeper:
Something is wrong with me.
My parents don’t understand me.
I don’t measure up.
Take a step back and see the world through their eyes. It wasn’t that long ago that you were a teenager yourself! Think about how it felt when adults talked about your generation like it was some sort of problem to be endured.
Remember the old NBC campaign, "The More You Know"? I believe in that wholeheartedly! If we equip our preteens and teens with knowledge ahead of time, we’re giving them the tools they need to grow emotionally and navigate life with confidence.
What I Tell My “Kid”—All the Time
Here are a few key messages I repeat to my child because I want them to know they are seen, heard, and supported:
I’m not raising a child or a teen—I’m raising an adult. My job isn’t just to get you through high school; it’s to prepare you for life.
I don’t want/need you to be perfect. You are going to make mistakes, and that’s okay. Some of the best, most successful people I know have had major mess-ups. What matters is that you take responsibility, learn from them, and move forward.
Independence is normal and healthy. You’re supposed to push boundaries—that’s part of growing up. Make good choices, but when you don’t, know that it’s not the end of the world. Mistakes don’t define you; how you handle them does.
You are normal! That feeling of your mood shifting out of nowhere? That’s been happening to every teenager in the history of mankind. Your brain and body are changing. It’s confusing, but it’s also part of growing up.
You don’t have to be controlled by your emotions. Yes, you will feel big feelings. That’s human. But learning to recognize and manage them (instead of just reacting) is a skill that will serve you for life. And even then, you’ll still mess up sometimes—just like I do.
You don’t have authority in this house, but you do have a voice. I want to hear your thoughts and opinions. But respect goes both ways. Even when you think I’m the dumbest person on the planet, you don’t get to treat me that way.
At the end of the day, I want my child to feel supported and understood, not like they are part of some dreaded "teenager problem" that adults roll their eyes about. This stage of life is hard, yes, but it’s also full of growth, excitement, and transformation. Let’s speak life into our kids, not negativity.